barack obama – Just Laugh https://justlaugh.com Your Source for Humor on the Internet... Sat, 27 Jun 2015 19:28:29 +0000 en-US hourly 1 42571922 President Obama Proudly Nabs Pink Bouncer From Royal Baby Registry https://justlaugh.com/features/fake-news/2015/president-obama-proudly-nabs-pink-bouncer-from-royal-baby-registry/ Mon, 04 May 2015 15:00:43 +0000 http://www.justlaugh.com/?p=2638 WASHINGTON (Just Laugh) – After publicly wishing the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge a hearty congratulations on the birth of their newborn daughter on behalf of the First Family, President Obama reportedly spent a solid forty-five minutes perusing the couple’s baby registry late that evening before finally scooping up a pink bouncer on the second to last page that he anticipates the new princess is really going to like. “I didn’t want to just do boring clothes or baby bottles,” the President spoke over his nightly cordial, “and somebody else already went in and snatched up all the cool Vtech stuff. But kids love bouncing! Malia and Sasha had one just like that when they were babies – Kate must’ve added it later because I almost missed it the first time around, but this is cool … this I can work with!” Michelle Obama later reported that her husband still beamed with pride clean through the second break of Jimmy Fallon until she finally affirmed his purchase for a third time before rolling over and going to sleep.

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]]> WASHINGTON (Just Laugh) – After publicly wishing the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge a hearty congratulations on the birth of their newborn daughter on behalf of the First Family, President Obama reportedly spent a solid forty-five minutes perusing the couple’s baby registry late that evening before finally scooping up a pink bouncer on the second to last page that he anticipates the new princess is really going to like.

“I didn’t want to just do boring clothes or baby bottles,” the President spoke over his nightly cordial, “and somebody else already went in and snatched up all the cool Vtech stuff. But kids love bouncing! Malia and Sasha had one just like that when they were babies – Kate must’ve added it later because I almost missed it the first time around, but this is cool … this I can work with!”

Michelle Obama later reported that her husband still beamed with pride clean through the second break of Jimmy Fallon until she finally affirmed his purchase for a third time before rolling over and going to sleep.

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]]> 2638 Iran to Offer a Helping Hand? https://justlaugh.com/blog/words/2015/iran-to-offer-a-helping-hand/ Thu, 12 Mar 2015 15:17:04 +0000 http://www.justlaugh.com/?p=2334 The wonderful Andy Borowitz is on point as always… Iran Offers to Mediate Talks Between Republicans and Obama He said that his nation was the “logical choice” to jumpstart negotiations between Obama and the Republicans because “it has become clear that both sides currently talk more to Iran than to each other.” (via The New Yorker)

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]]> The wonderful Andy Borowitz is on point as always…

Iran Offers to Mediate Talks Between Republicans and Obama

He said that his nation was the “logical choice” to jumpstart negotiations between Obama and the Republicans because “it has become clear that both sides currently talk more to Iran than to each other.”

(via The New Yorker)

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]]> 2334 President Obama Speaks of Great Hope for America’s Favorite Vegetable https://justlaugh.com/blog/words/2015/1785/ Wed, 21 Jan 2015 22:00:32 +0000 http://test3.justlaugh.com/?p=1785 Melvin Durai shares with us a tender morsel of President Obama’s State of the Onion Address… “We are fifteen years into this new century. Fifteen years in which our country has fought many battles and overcome many hurdles to claim its rightful place as one of the world’s greatest onion producers.”

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]]> Melvin Durai shares with us a tender morsel of President Obama’s State of the Onion Address…

“We are fifteen years into this new century. Fifteen years in which our country has fought many battles and overcome many hurdles to claim its rightful place as one of the world’s greatest onion producers.”

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]]> 1785 Stats of the Union https://justlaugh.com/features/2015/stats-union/ Tue, 20 Jan 2015 17:00:08 +0000 http://test3.justlaugh.com/?p=1468 # of times Fox News will spin being a good public speaker into a bad thing – 37 # of times Joe Biden will get nudged awake despite already being awake – 3 # of times John Boehner will look, act, or in any way resemble an actual human being – 0 # of times President Obama will internally sigh and wonder if it’s too late to just be President of Kenya instead – 1.5 % of American economy derived from hair care products for Donald Trump – 4.7% Price of a gallon of gas in 2015 if your car happened to run on Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup – $23.79 # of Presidents who would support the Keystone Pipeline if instead it delivered Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup – 1 # of people that Ted Cruz will beg to listen to him before, during, and after the Address – 432,000 (est.) # of Americans who will be pissed that their favorite TV shows got preempted for the State of the Union address – 67 million # of Americans who will root through their DVR or go to bed early to avoid watching the State of the Union address – 66.9 million

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]]>
  • # of times Fox News will spin being a good public speaker into a bad thing – 37
  • # of times Joe Biden will get nudged awake despite already being awake – 3
  • # of times John Boehner will look, act, or in any way resemble an actual human being – 0
  • # of times President Obama will internally sigh and wonder if it’s too late to just be President of Kenya instead – 1.5
  • % of American economy derived from hair care products for Donald Trump – 4.7%
  • Price of a gallon of gas in 2015 if your car happened to run on Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup – $23.79
  • # of Presidents who would support the Keystone Pipeline if instead it delivered Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup – 1
  • # of people that Ted Cruz will beg to listen to him before, during, and after the Address – 432,000 (est.)
  • # of Americans who will be pissed that their favorite TV shows got preempted for the State of the Union address – 67 million
  • # of Americans who will root through their DVR or go to bed early to avoid watching the State of the Union address – 66.9 million

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    ]]>     1468     What are you hoping to hear from this week’s State of the Union address? https://justlaugh.com/reader-polls/2015/hoping-hear-weeks-state-union-address/ Mon, 19 Jan 2015 11:00:05 +0000 http://test3.justlaugh.com/?p=1477 Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post’s poll.

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    ]]>     The post What are you hoping to hear from this week’s State of the Union address? appeared first on Just Laugh.

    ]]>     1477     Dumb Americans Terrified of President’s Proposal for Even More People Smarter Than Them https://justlaugh.com/features/fake-news/2015/dumb-americans-terrified-of-presidents-proposal-for-even-more-people-smarter-than-them/ Sun, 11 Jan 2015 16:00:32 +0000 http://test3.justlaugh.com/?p=1330 AMERICA (Just Laugh) – After hearing of President Obama’s latest proposal urging for tuition-free community college, dumb Americans took to the streets to share their fears of the plans’ attempt to create even more people who are more intellectually advanced than they are in this great country that they love almost as much as NASCAR itself. “I didn’t git no free colege and I turnd out jut fine,” cited Bill Wilson of Bumfuck, Arkansas. “Bee sides – whooz gunna pay fer all of dat free schulz?! He ain’t raisin my taxes – this ain’t communist Russia!” “…yet…” When suggested that easier access to higher education could help improve the quality of life for Americans across the board by raising the nation’s standards for education and working to create a more highly skilled workforce to drive economic growth, lifetime Fuckall, Tennessee resident Hillary Gicks simply shook her head and laughed between sips from the jug of moonshine in her hands, “That Obummer just wants to ruin evrythung here in ‘Merica that makes uz great.” “If yu wanna go to colege – that’z fine. If yoo wants to makez moonshine outta yur bathing tub – that’z fine, too.” “But I’mma not let no commie socalist Presudent raise my taxes to [...]

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    ]]>     AMERICA (Just Laugh) – After hearing of President Obama’s latest proposal urging for tuition-free community college, dumb Americans took to the streets to share their fears of the plans’ attempt to create even more people who are more intellectually advanced than they are in this great country that they love almost as much as NASCAR itself.

    “I didn’t git no free colege and I turnd out jut fine,” cited Bill Wilson of Bumfuck, Arkansas. “Bee sides – whooz gunna pay fer all of dat free schulz?! He ain’t raisin my taxes – this ain’t communist Russia!”

    “…yet…”

    When suggested that easier access to higher education could help improve the quality of life for Americans across the board by raising the nation’s standards for education and working to create a more highly skilled workforce to drive economic growth, lifetime Fuckall, Tennessee resident Hillary Gicks simply shook her head and laughed between sips from the jug of moonshine in her hands, “That Obummer just wants to ruin evrythung here in ‘Merica that makes uz great.”

    “If yu wanna go to colege – that’z fine. If yoo wants to makez moonshine outta yur bathing tub – that’z fine, too.”

    “But I’mma not let no commie socalist Presudent raise my taxes to pays for it all!”

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    ]]>     1330     15 Fun “Facts” About Obama for Christmas Dinner! https://justlaugh.com/features/2014/15-fun-facts-about-obama-for-christmas-dinner/ Mon, 22 Dec 2014 19:26:53 +0000 http://www.justlaugh.com/?p=1156 Most things your conservative relatives will say about our 44th President are just made up anyways, so we figured why should they be the only ones having all of the fun making up facts about Barack Obama around the dinner table this holiday season?! Here are a few new facts about our current President, as well some fun holiday classics to keep every Republican at the table on their toes as they shockingly find themselves on the same side as you for the first time since Jesus landed on Plymouth Rock back in 1620… President Obama is close friends with Boris Badenov, Snidely Whiplash, and that snickering dog from the Hanna-Barbera cartoons who was also most definitely evil. A little-known clause in Section 143.B.7. of the Affordable Care Act pays its namesake $10 for each person who signs up for Obamacare. Although it’s true that President Obama has used considerably less vacation days than his predecessors, he does spend an average of four months each year during the spring and summer in a cocoon-like state before blossoming just in time for fall football season. President Obama sometimes wishes he was a koala bear. When the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright, President Obama [...]

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    ]]>     Most things your conservative relatives will say about our 44th President are just made up anyways, so we figured why should they be the only ones having all of the fun making up facts about Barack Obama around the dinner table this holiday season?!

    Here are a few new facts about our current President, as well some fun holiday classics to keep every Republican at the table on their toes as they shockingly find themselves on the same side as you for the first time since Jesus landed on Plymouth Rock back in 1620…

    • President Obama is close friends with Boris Badenov, Snidely Whiplash, and that snickering dog from the Hanna-Barbera cartoons who was also most definitely evil.
    • A little-known clause in Section 143.B.7. of the Affordable Care Act pays its namesake $10 for each person who signs up for Obamacare.
    • Although it’s true that President Obama has used considerably less vacation days than his predecessors, he does spend an average of four months each year during the spring and summer in a cocoon-like state before blossoming just in time for fall football season.
    • President Obama sometimes wishes he was a koala bear.
    • When the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright, President Obama can often be found eating nachos and watching reruns of Howdy Doody in his presidential pajamas.
    • It’s not uncommon for the President to make a defensive hissing sound when encountering one of the many stray cats that roam the White House grounds.
    • If the Keystone Pipeline is voted to completion, Barack Obama stands to lose upwards of $60 in a side bet that he has with Speaker of the House John Boehner.
    • President Obama has not snuck down to the White House pantry to sneak Frosted Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts at 2:30am while Michelle was sleeping 47 times since first taking office in 2009.
    • Barack Obama looks forward to going moose hunting with Sarah Palin when this whole thing is finally over.
    • Sometimes President Obama watches FOX News to temper certain sadomasochistic tendencies.

    CHRISTMAS EDITION!

    • If the President is really good, sometimes the First Lady will let him open one present from under the tree on Christmas Eve before going to bed.
    • The Obama Family Holiday Newsletter this year included coupons for two free months of Obamacare along with entirely too many pictures of their dog, Bo.
    • The President and First Lady have made a White House tradition of staying up late on Christmas Eve to surprise their girls with a fourteen foot tall Rice Krispie Treat Christmas tree. The marshmallows alone cost taxpayers over $73,000 each year.
    • Frosty the Snowman was inspired by Barack Obama’s Uncle Lester, who began building snowmen as an alternative to a curious carrot fetish that had gotten him into some trouble with a humble traveling preacher named Parson Brown.
    • President Obama’s favorite TV Christmas special is A Garfield Christmas on account of the president’s deep love for lasagna and communism.

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    ]]>     1156     Official White House Response: No-Go On Death Star https://justlaugh.com/blog/news/2013/official-white-house-response-no-go-on-death-star/ Thu, 10 Jan 2013 21:11:49 +0000 http://www.justlaugh.com/?p=771 So remember last year when someone created a petition on whitehouse.gov requesting that the US government make plans to begin construction on our very own Death Star as soon as 2016??? Well, apparently Obama is going to ruin that fun, too, because the White House has now officially responded to said petition… The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons: The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it. The Administration does not support blowing up planets. Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship? – This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For Ok, so this response is actually pretty freaking amazing – be sure to click through the link to read the full report on this administration’s take on space technology and what we can do in the meantime!

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    ]]>     So remember last year when someone created a petition on whitehouse.gov requesting that the US government make plans to begin construction on our very own Death Star as soon as 2016???

    Well, apparently Obama is going to ruin that fun, too, because the White House has now officially responded to said petition…

    The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

    • The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
    • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
    • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

    – This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For

    Ok, so this response is actually pretty freaking amazing – be sure to click through the link to read the full report on this administration’s take on space technology and what we can do in the meantime! :mrgreen:

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    ]]>     771     A Day in the Life of President Obama as Seen by Fox News https://justlaugh.com/blog/words/2012/a-day-in-the-life-of-president-obama-as-seen-by-fox-news/ Sat, 10 Nov 2012 19:19:43 +0000 http://test2.justlaugh.com/?p=183 Spot on! Makes you wonder if Mr. Freed had consulting from Fox – you know, just to make sure that his twists were absolutely as obsurd as the public has grown to expect from the news pantheon that is Fox News… A Day in the Life of President Obama as Seen by Fox News http://www.humortimes.com/7315/day-in-life-of-obama-seen-by-fox-news/ (first event as seen by a normal person; second in CAPS as viewed by a Fox News analyst…) 12.20 – President has headache, takes aspirin from expired bottle. 12:20 – OBAMA ABUSES HEALTH CARE! 12:50 – Obama turns left down a hallway. 12:50 – OBAMA MOVING FURTHER TO THE LEFT! (via Humor Times)

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    ]]>     Spot on! Makes you wonder if Mr. Freed had consulting from Fox – you know, just to make sure that his twists were absolutely as obsurd as the public has grown to expect from the news pantheon that is Fox News… :mrgreen:

    A Day in the Life of President Obama as Seen by Fox News
    http://www.humortimes.com/7315/day-in-life-of-obama-seen-by-fox-news/

    (first event as seen by a normal person; second in CAPS as viewed by a Fox News analyst…)

    12.20 – President has headache, takes aspirin from expired bottle.

    12:20 – OBAMA ABUSES HEALTH CARE!

    12:50 – Obama turns left down a hallway.

    12:50 – OBAMA MOVING FURTHER TO THE LEFT!

    (via Humor Times)

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    ]]>     183     Obama invades Iran JUST in the nick of time! https://justlaugh.com/blog/words/2012/obama-invades-iran-just-in-the-nick-of-time/ Tue, 06 Nov 2012 23:00:41 +0000 http://test2.justlaugh.com/?p=205 If all else fails, just declare war before the votes are counted… 😉 Obama Announces We Are Invading Iran RIGHT NOW http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-announces-we-are-invading-iran-right-now,30279/ (via The Onion)

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    ]]>     If all else fails, just declare war before the votes are counted… 😉

    Obama Announces We Are Invading Iran RIGHT NOW
    http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-announces-we-are-invading-iran-right-now,30279/

    (via The Onion)

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