Small Business Saturday
Shoppers are encouraged to buy some presents at the locally owned shops in their neighborhood, with weekend discounts bringing their prices down to only 10-20% over what you would consider actually reasonable.

Sleep In for Savings Sunday
Everyone agrees to give it a rest after two and a half days of solid Christmas shopping – stores don’t open until, say, noon or maybe one o’clock in the afternoon…

Cyber Monday
Charge up your intertrons and pretend like we haven’t been shopping online for over a decade now as websites promise to offer the zaniest virtual deals that your hyper-wallet can download!

Titillating Tuesday
Topless grocery shopping.

Work?! No, Shop! Wednesday
Get written up at your job for extending your Thanksgiving holiday well past HR’s standard vacation time offering because those boring spreadsheets will be there every day but savings like these won’t last for long…

Just Plain, Old Thursday
Exhausted and penniless, but with a heart filled with more Christmas gifts than you actually know people to give them to, it’s time to return to your normal, everyday life for approximately a day and a half until your brain drops completely into Christmas mode and you officially clock out for the rest of the year. Feel free to whistle Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer until then!

The post The Savings Don’t Stop After Black Friday!!! appeared first on Just Laugh.

Others are still incapacitated from yesterday’s self-imposed turkey and gravy coma.

Let them enjoy their savings and their sweet dreams of mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie, though, because we’ve got our own objective this weekend while the house is quiet and the air is calm before the impending holiday storm creeps in … because Christmas decorations don’t put themselves up, my fine multi-color illuminated friends, and nobody wants to be that guy who’s still frantically trying to decorate his home on Christmas Eve in hopes that Santa won’t skip them over for more impressively decorated abodes…

I know because I’ve been that guy and it’s never a pretty sight to find yourself scrambling through the desolate remains in the holiday lighting section of your local superstore, with your only choices at that point being a ratty, already opened box of icicle lights and a full shelf of those ridiculous inflatable outhouses because even rednecks need their Christmas decorations, too!

We have a rule in our house – and by we, I mean that my wife has a rule in our house – that holiday decorations aren’t to go up, or nary even be spoken of, until after Thanksgiving, which means that already we’re behind schedule compared to all of the stores that’ve been casually sneaking red and green housewares and pre-decorated Christmas trees onto their shelves since roughly August. Back when I lived in the frozen wasteland of Northern Michigan, I would actually start putting lights up in September, though admittedly most of that ambition was merely to avoid trudging around in subzero temperatures and going up on the roof once it had been transformed into a veritable slip and slide of snow and ice…

Thankfully now that I live in sunny Florida, I can wear shorts and flip-flops the day after Thanksgiving and I’m still to beach standards considered overdressed for the occasion!

So now is the time for us to channel our inner-Griswold as we dig those overflowing boxes of holiday delight out of crawlspaces and garages throughout suburbia, donning our sunglasses and cranking up the Christmas music to a moderately reasonable volume as we strive to illuminate our homes to the point where passing planes might mistakenly think that we’re part of the airport and thus ensure that the boys down at the electric company will most certainly still receive their Christmas bonuses this year.

I may not be a fan of heights, but I’ll take the risk of falling off the roof vs falling prices any day.

And though I love me some pumpkin pie, give me twinkling lights over pumpkin spice even with an extra dollop of whipped cream.

‘Tis the season for dancing lights a’plenty up and down every lane, street, and boulevard – so many that the neighbors have to buy special blinds if they want to get any sleep at all during the month of December while your house shines like a beacon for all that is jolly and bright, for a man’s decorating job isn’t truly done until his house puts out more light than our sun high in the noonday sky.

…but far more colorful and festive, of course!

So gather your extension cords and your tallest of ladders, my band of manic merrymakers, for we’ve got eaves to illuminate and halls to deck, golden stars to hang and mistletoe to also hang … wink wink … because our time is now and this season just wouldn’t be the most magical time of the year without our incredible efforts filling the streets where we live and play with tens of thousands of dazzling lights and smiling snowmen and towering inflatables as far as the eye can see.

Ain’t no way that we’re missing out on any visits from Santa due to low visibility – that’s for sure!

The post Operation: Decorate! appeared first on Just Laugh.

“I looked around and I just couldn’t believe that nobody else was getting in on this deal on apricots!” Mrs. Henderson exclaimed, pointing down to the pile of fruit at the bottom of her cart in a guarded manner, lowering her voice as another eager bargain hunter passed by.

Before finally proceeding to the checkout lines that had extended into the clothing section, Henderson would also come across a coveted buy-one-get-one on Tropicana No Pulp Premium Orange Juice as well as 25% off Ritz Holiday Crackers, thus making the trip her most successful Black Friday shopping experience to date.

The post Mom Finds Incredible Deal on Apricots for Black Friday appeared first on Just Laugh.

“It’s a new thing called ‘online shopping’,” cited the perky, 24-year old’s report that was actually published by a real media outlet, “and many people will be giving thanks to it this year for saving them more time that they can spend with their families on what has traditionally been the busiest shopping weekend of the year.”

Completely inept to the fact that online sales have been chipping away at the significance of Black Friday for years, Sebastine comically explained to actual viewers of the local TV station that instead of standing in lines, shoppers might this year do the bulk of their holiday shopping “in their pajamas” as she demonstrated purchasing a copy of The Devil Wears Prada from Amazon.com that she looks forward to receiving in plenty of time to give as a gift for her older sister, Heidi.

“And there – with just a few simple clicks,” the inexplicably proud journalist said as she smiled cluelessly into the camera, “my Christmas list is one present closer to completion, and I didn’t even have to set foot outside!”

After talking over footage of light traffic that she had captured with the help of cameraman Scott Cloud at the Westfield Southcenter earlier that afternoon, Sebastine unabashedly closed her report with a clever shot from her own bedroom where pink bunny slippers peeked out from beneath the sheets while she happily reiterated her line earlier about doing her own shopping from the comforts of her bedroom as if the first mainstream e-commerce transactions hadn’t happened when she was barely two years old.

The post Retailers to Begin Offering Black Friday Sales Online, Cites Outdated Local News Reporter appeared first on Just Laugh.

And yet now as we near the 2015 holiday shopping season, big box retailers such as REI and Costco and Home Depot have announced plans to not be open on the Thanksgiving holiday itself, thus reversing the cycle and scoring a point for family values in the face of the almighty dollar. Already we’ve heard the names of dozens of other retailers that’ve jumped to add their names to the list of businesses bucking Scrooge’s money-grubbing trends – here are a few of the latest retailers that are guaranteed to not open their doors this year on Thanksgiving Day…

1. Borders Books

Photo by Nicholas Eckhart / Flickr (Creative Commons 2.0)

2. Kay-Bee Toys

Photo by AdamL212 / Flickr (Creative Commons 2.0)

3. Circuit City

Photo by F33 / Flickr (Creative Commons 2.0)

4. Linens ‘n Things

Photo by Nicholas Eckhart / Flickr (Creative Commons 2.0)

5. Tower Records

Photo by Alan Light / Flickr (Creative Commons 2.0)

6. Fashion Bug

Photo by Nicholas Eckhart / Flickr (Creative Commons 2.0)

7. Media Play

Photo by AdamL212 / Flickr (Creative Commons 2.0)

The post More Stores That Won’t Be Open on Thanksgiving… appeared first on Just Laugh.

Well, it actually started last night, yet we’re still calling it Black Friday because apparently nobody’s gotten around to updating the name yet.

But whenever you opt to head out into the frozen abyss that is American consumerism at its finest, here are a few helpful tips to make your holiday shopping slightly more bearable than a root canal or an elementary school Christmas pageant…

• Remember that Christmas is one day of the year when money specifically can buy happiness. Also Valentine’s Day, weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, Halloween, Easter, and Cinco de Mayo, but most definitely Christmas!
• Credit cards and low interest financing were invented so that your children will know how much that you love them around the holidays.
• Frostbite, hypothermia, angry mob mentality – a dedicated gift giver fears not these things.
• If you have trouble locating the sale items that you want around a given store, don’t give up hope just yet. Next begin your search for other people who did find those sale items and then be prepared to have your Black Friday buddy create a distraction while you snag them from the person’s cart triumphantly.
• Don’t get too worked up about hating the Christmas music you hear as you shop – you’ve still got another five weeks of hating it to go, so pace yourself!
• Never pay more than $2.99 for a toaster.
• Bring a pair of those Groucho glasses with the disguise nose and mustache to elude any pesky Limit 1 per Customer rules.
• Consider gift cards for friends and family who you feel obligated to buy presents for, but not obligated enough to put any actual thought into it.
• You don’t have to be the fastest one in the crowd. Identify those who look like they’ve already had one too many pieces of pumpkin pie and then just leave plates of leftovers around the store to serve as distractions.
• At some point during your shopping expedition, a salesperson will try to convince you that Furbies are making a comeback this year. They are not.

The post Just Laugh’s Guide to Black Friday Shopping appeared first on Just Laugh.

The Improv Everywhere crew is at it again, this time creating a very unexpected Black Friday rush for a Manhattan dollar store with shoppers camped out in tents around the building and everything!

The post Black Friday Takes to the Dollar Store! appeared first on Just Laugh.

One shopper explains, “Man, I mean, I could really use some new underwear, but I just don’t know. It’s going to be crazy out there! Don’t get me wrong, I like chicks and all, but any idiot knows that trying to horn in on their shopping crave is just a recipe for trouble…” The man continued by requesting to borrow a pair of this reporter’s boxers, but was promptly refused.

“I know what you mean, man!” replied an innocent bystander. “I was thinking about picking up a new drill this weekend, but even Home Depot’s parking lot is packed – where are all these skirts coming from?! I really wanted that drill, too, but it’s just not worth it, man…”

It is estimated that approximately ten trillion women will be hitting the streets this weekend to ‘whoop it up’ and spend gobs of their husbands’ money, so the recommendation being sent to the men of our society would be to gather the boys, tell them each to bring a case of beer, and promptly get to work – you really don’t want to be conscious when she finally returns home and those credit card receipts come out…

The post “It’s going to be crazy out there!” local man reports… appeared first on Just Laugh.