And since admittedly this was probably one of the best after the original Jurassic Park movie from 1992, I thought it might be fun to throw out a few pitches for those inevitably upcoming sequels of my own!

Just think, Spielberg – for the right price, any number of these delicious movie gems could be yours… 

Jurassic Park 5: We’ve Finally Learned Our Lesson Now…
Somewhat of a somber follow-up to its four predecessors, JP5 is mostly two hours and change of InGen scientists and executives sitting around in a prayer circle, quietly reflecting on the horrible choices that they’ve made to get them to this point.

Jurassic Park 6: Tyrannosaurus with a Vengeance
John McClane guest stars in this exciting cross-over that pits a retired NYPD police officer against a 7-ton T-Rex who seeks vengeance upon McClane after discovering that he was the one who threw the dinosaur’s brother off the 32nd floor of Nakatomi Plaza.

Can John McClane – along with the help of Owen, Claire, and a crew of Jurassic Park dino veterans stop the T-Rex before its plan comes to fruition???

Jurassic Park 7: Paul Blart – Mall Cop Crossover
Not nearly as sweet and exciting as the Die Hard cross-over, but I’ll bet you can get Segway to kick in some money for it. Could a raptor learn to ride a Segway??? If Paul Blart can do it, how hard could it be?!

This one’s not going to be very good, but people will watch just about anything these days.

Jurassic Park 8: We Didn’t Learn Our Lesson at All…
InGen prayer circle of contemplation and regret ends abruptly as the ghost of Dennis Nedry appears with a battalion of the original dinosaurs and laughs his obnoxious laugh as they quickly devour the people whose neglect and blatant disregard for safety allowed him to die in the first movie to begin with.

He then finishes his hand off from the original film, selling dino embryos to a ruthless dealer on the black market who gets so caught up in his evil scheme that he doesn’t even question buying genetic contraband from a creepy ghost of Newman-like proportions.

Six months later, cheap, second-rate Jurassic Parks open in Dubai, Hong Kong, Amsterdam, and Atlantic City … and things don’t go so well from there…

Jurassic Park 9: The Phil Tippett Diaries
An intimate interview with the infamous Dinosaur Supervisor who’s often blamed on the Internet for the whole original Jurassic Park Kerfuffle, featuring a lot of sobbing as Phil speaks with the families of those lost to the dinosaur disasters, along with one big reveal at the very end that is sure to turn the Internet meme on its head forever!

Hint: Look for cameo appearances by Keyboard Cat and Philosoraptor, along with an all-new song by The Lonely Island.

Jurassic Park 10: Jurassic Universe
After it’s been made painfully clear that no metropolitan city on Earth holds any interest in hosting the next generation of Jurassic Park disasters, a brand-new, one of a kind facility constructed on the moon becomes the safest place on Earth to hold dinosaurs in captivity … but don’t forget that humans aren’t the only creatures who weigh less on the surface of the moon!

Did they remember to make the DinoMoon Paddock walls extra tall to compensate for these new pogo-ing dinosaurs???

No, they did not, but that’s not the only thing they forgot to consider when terror meets extraterrestrial in this high tech, prehistoric space thriller sure to leave you hanging on the edge of your seat, ready to float off into the empty nothingness of outer space if only to escape their killer appetites one more time…

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THIS. IS. AWESOME!!!

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