“I looked around and I just couldn’t believe that nobody else was getting in on this deal on apricots!” Mrs. Henderson exclaimed, pointing down to the pile of fruit at the bottom of her cart in a guarded manner, lowering her voice as another eager bargain hunter passed by.

Before finally proceeding to the checkout lines that had extended into the clothing section, Henderson would also come across a coveted buy-one-get-one on Tropicana No Pulp Premium Orange Juice as well as 25% off Ritz Holiday Crackers, thus making the trip her most successful Black Friday shopping experience to date.

The post Mom Finds Incredible Deal on Apricots for Black Friday appeared first on Just Laugh.

“At first I thought that it was pretty swell when they brought over some marshmallows and brown sugar to arrange around our display because we hardly ever get to see those guys,” cited long-time sweet potato Jerry Carville, “but when Henry pointed out the recipe cards for something called Aunt Gina’s Marshmallow Sweet Potato Surprise, we got the feeling that it wasn’t going to be the type of event that would have us all jumping out to say ‘Surprise!’…”

“If I didn’t know better,” told concerned sweet potato Janet Mayberry, “I’d say that our friends and family are being shuttled out of here by the pound for something other than a festive table arrangement or to go live in the dirt of a nice family in the suburbs!”

Though the collective pile of potatoes dared not to say the words, it was clear what was on everyone’s minds as they noticed patrons rubbing their bellies and filling their carts with cranberries and stuffing and even bizarre balls of meat that strangely resembled the live turkeys that they’d known from their days on the farm. Something just wasn’t right about the whole experience, and together these sweet potatoes have vowed to get to the bottom of it – with or without toasted marshmallows on top.

The post Sweet Potatoes Have a Bad Feeling About This appeared first on Just Laugh.

But never corn.

It’s not that I have a problem with corn or anything. I mean, I enjoy a nice cob of corn alongside a couple of hotdogs on a cool, summer evening just as much as the next guy. Or maybe a big, old bowl of corn – popped or otherwise – while you’re curled up by the fire with your favorite likewise-corn-appreciating fellow. Corn is great!

The thing is, I do have this one rule where if I’m going to set myself up to get lost inside of a giant maze that’s allegedly made out of food, my one request is that should I find myself inexplicably lost forever as the sun and the stars come and go in turn with no signs of escape as I slowly wither away and die … it’d be nice to have a little something to nibble on while I’m literally scampering around like a rat in search of his cheese.

Except in this case the cheese is corn, which is why I recently found my trip to the local corn maze confusing … because there was no corn.

Apparently it’s the well-kept secret of the corn maze industry that you never quite realize until you’re standing amongst a sea of empty corn stalks for yourself – corn mazes don’t actually contain any corn because the farmers have done harvested all of it long before they invite the likes of you and I to scamper around like mice throughout their empty fields…

I can’t hardly blame them – if I had myself a field of perfectly good corn, I sure wouldn’t want every Tom, Dick, and Harry running around touching every cob like a bunch of hooligans when my whole scheme is to sell that corn to keep the furnace a’blazing for another harsh, Floridian winter! You can’t sell corn for a premium when it’s been groped by every idiot from the city who’s willing to pay $10 a piece to get lost out in your fields for an afternoon.

I wouldn’t buy groped corn on the cob if I saw it sitting there on the shelf at Publix – I don’t care how good the price is!

Still, it’s a little misleading to label your autumnal attraction as a Corn Maze when in reality it’s more of a Bare Stalk of What Used to Be Corn Maze. The latter may not necessarily roll off the tongue, but I’m a firm believer of truth in advertising, and besides, if I’d known that I wasn’t actually going to be surrounded by edible corn during my plight-filled, harrowing 25-minute adventure through some stranger’s farmland, I could’ve brought a long a little snack or something to keep me going during those times when I truly believed that all was lost.

Even better, if I’d happened to accidentally drop some of my pizza or General Tso’s chicken along the way, maybe that farmer would have an even awesomer maze to invite us city folk to come scavenge around next year!

I would so totally pay $10 to get lost in a field of pepperoni pizza on a partly-cloudy, fall afternoon … as long as the pizza hasn’t already been harvested, that is.

The post A Maze of Any Other Flavor… appeared first on Just Laugh.

Then they came for our Twizzlers and Gummy Bears…

It’s true – this week the FDA officially cited our beloved trans fats as “not generally recognized as safe for use in human food” – whatever that means, and thus we Americans now only have a wee three years to properly say goodbye to these delicious but no longer nutritious food properties that have made so many of our favorite dishes basically like eating a meal with death incarnate.

Today we reminisce with this collection of foods that look quite yummy, indeed, but they just won’t be the same without trans fats…

© MSPhotographic / Dollar Photo Club

Everybody loves the smell of bacon cooking in the morning – can you even imagine how decadent that shit would be if it were laced with some 100% bonafide trans fats?!

© ft2010 / Dollar Photo Club

I love me some pizza! Nothing makes for a great Friday night like a 2 liter of Dr. Pepper and a large pizza with pepperoni, extra cheese, and an extra-extra helping of trans fats … but not anymore…

© Lsantilli / Dollar Photo Club

You’ve met this chick before – she claims that she’s “soooo fat!” yet she can pinch all of the fat in her entire body between two fingers! Let’s switch out her toothpaste with some trans fats for a few months and teach her what being fat really looks like…

© pilipphoto / Dollar Photo Club

Nothing says summer like a nice slice of watermelon, but without those juicy trans fats that watermelon is known for, what’s the point?!

© ilolab / Dollar Photo Club

I never really did understand people who eat their hamburgers with an egg on top. Trans fats or not, pick a meal and own it!

© hetwig / Dollar Photo Club

I’m honestly not sure what’ll even be left of donuts once they pull out all of the trans fats. Maybe that’s how they make bagels … that would kind of make sense.

Editor’s Note: The author of this article may or may not know what trans fats actually are and as such, the information you just read should not be construed as nutritional insight of any kind. We’re probably better off without trans fats anyways, and sunshine, and rainbows, and general fun of any sort…

The post Six Foods That Won’t Be the Same Without Trans Fats appeared first on Just Laugh.

Emily Axford of College Humor answers the question that nobody else thought to ask in this profound short film that will change the way you look at chocolate cake … and toilets … specifically chocolate cake and toilets together. Just watch the video.

The post Best Short Film of the Year – Can You Flush A Chocolate Cake Down A Toilet? appeared first on Just Laugh.