“Our bad,” a Pentagon spokesman responded via e-mail to concerns about the deadly biohazard coming within such close contact to one of the largest suppliers of chocolate bars and treats to children throughout the United States. “This is embarrassing, but if there’s one thing that we as an all-powerful military organization have learned in the past week, it’s that we have some challenge areas that require improvement – in particular, the shipping of hazardous pathogens around the country, and apparently even the world.”

In response to these horrific events, the Department of Defense has stated that it is currently reviewing all of its policies and procedures for labs that work with anthrax, and will be updating these policies to ensure that the deadly biotoxin is not shipped to random addresses across the globe willy-nilly in the upcoming weeks.

“As an aside,” the representative added at the end of the electronic commique, “if you could pass along to your readers that anyone who happens to receive an unexpected parcel or package from the United States Army in the next couple of days, do us a favor and don’t open it. Instead, please just leave those packages out by your mailbox with RETURN TO SENDER clearly marked on them, and our friends in blue at the U.S. Postal Service will be happy to get those boxes back to us … whatever horrible chemical agent or deadly biotoxin happens to be in them.”

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 “Some parents say the toy was too phallic.”

https://twitter.com/saladinahmed/status/549737430803562497

Maybe they were just trying to appeal to a new, ahem, demographic???

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