“It’s been a difficult week for the City of Baltimore,” Mayor Rawlings-Blake spoke Sunday morning to a small gathering of pitchfork-wielding taxpayers, “but it’s time for our healing to begin because we’ve got a lot to do before the officers responsible for our latest racial divide are exonerated of any legal or professional repercussions for their heinous actions and we all know that once those judgments are rendered, the rioting observed last week will have felt like a walk in the park.”

The mayor encouraged citizens to return to their daily lives and rebuild … as fast as they could … with the understanding that their newfound friends from the National Guard would likely be returning very soon once police are let off the hook for yet another black death as everyone has grown accustomed to across these occasionally United, But Definitely Not At All Racist States.

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In the same newscast, during the weather portion, there just happened to be a tornado watch. Eventually, the tornado watch turned into a tornado warning. The difference between a tornado watch and tornado warning is this: A tornado watch means the conditions are right for a tornado, whereas a tornado warning means you better hightail your ass to the basement. Now the question I have is, does a suicide watch equate to a tornado watch? I ask this question because I’ve never turned on the news and seen a prisoner on suicide warning, which would probably mean the police set up chairs by the prisoner’s cell, instead of the friendly 10 minute check up.

I really think, in order to help viewers understand the severity of a prisoner’s life and to keep the newscast consistent, the police should follow suit with the weather people. The weather people, if you notice, make the threat of tornadoes a serious situation. They always stand there and say things like, “The weather, along with a high pressure system coming in from here, in addition to a cold front surfacing from over there, blah blah blah, the conditions are right for a tornado. And since the conditions are right, we have issued a tornado watch.”

And then 15 minutes later, the weather person will interrupt again and say something like, “A funnel shaped cloud has been spotted over here, blah blah blah, get your ass to the basement now. We have changed the tornado watch to a tornado warning.”

The police should do the same.

If a prisoner is thinking about taking his/her own life (in which he/she announces it out loud or in a letter), call it a suicide warning. This means the police should get to the cell and respond as needed, such as setting up chairs. It should only be referred to as a suicide watch when, like a tornado watch, the conditions are right for a suicide. These conditions can mean the prisoner is surrounded by shoelaces, razor blades, pistols, anything that makes the possibility of a suicide a condition.

Then, the police can hold news conferences and say things like, “Our prisoner released a note indicating his depression, saying that he’s thinking about committing suicide. We issued a suicide warning. Before, it was just a suicide watch, meaning the conditions were right for a suicide. So since he released this note, we’ve taken all the shoelaces, razor blades, and pistols away from him. In result, we’ve set up chairs to watch him.”

Then, in the future when I’m watching a newscast, I will be fully informed of the harshness of how big an ordeal this actually is for the police.

I’m not asking to change a whole lot; I just want the news to be more consistent.

Maybe the police do this already, because 99% of the time, whenever I see a prisoner on suicide watch, the news personality says, “An update. The prisoner on suicide watch was found dead when a police officer checked up on him. Apparently, the man killed himself within the 10 minutes he had between check ups.”

If this is the case, then forget my whole rant.

But if not, then maybe the police should consider adopting a suicide warning. That, or reduce the 10 minutes between check ups to nine minutes.

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