Here in the Gulf of Mexico on the Florida coast if it’s not sharks, it’s flesh-eating bacteria. And if it’s not flesh-eating bacteria, it’s overly ambitious manatees with nothing left to lose…

Dolphins? Sure, they always seem friendly and helpful on TV, but have you ever seen the teeth on a dolphin?! Sharp enough to cut through a can of corn like it was Thanksgiving!

Shrimp and crabs? Not all of them sing and dance like they did in The Little Mermaid!

The point is, there are plenty of deadly things to keep us out of the water on a given day, but we always go to the beach anyways because, well, did you see how freaking hot it was outside today?! The thermometer in my car just barely sputtered out 95 degrees before telling me I could find it hanging out in the refrigerator if I needed anything else!

I have a rule in the summertime that if I’m not being pleasantly chilled by air conditioning indoors, I’m either submersed in water up to my neck or sipping on a tropical drink with ice cubes in it … or preferably both, if the lifeguard isn’t being a jerk about taking drinks in the pool! But either way, Florida summers were never meant to be spent directly out underneath the scorching sun without the refreshment of swimming to make you forget the fact that your skin is slowly sizzling like the outside of a baked potato.

Besides, that thick and leathery, perpetually-tanned skin makes it tougher for the sharks to bite through, anyways…

I suppose just like we’ve grown used to the hurricanes that threaten to rip the roofs from our houses and the tourists who threaten to stop right in the middle of the sidewalk because apparently walking works differently in every other part of the country, we too have become conditioned to shrug off the terrifying taunts that our deep blue beaches have to offer, and not under the guise of bravery or courage or even an unyielding desire to gawk at babes in bikinis as long as our wives are presumably looking the other way.

When a man is swelteringly hot and every second spent out in the sun produces enough sweat to wet down the family station wagon, a little shark nibble or losing a layer or two of skin to hungry bacteria simply just isn’t that bad in consideration of the cool and refreshing offering that slightly less scalding 90 degree waters bring to the table on your typical, Florida summer’s afternoon.

Now don’t get me wrong – when the temperatures dip back into the more comfortable 70s later on this fall???

Sharks and flesh-eating bacteria are absolutely terrifying then!

The post Just Another Death-Defying Day at the Beach appeared first on Just Laugh.

“Nobody had heard from him in years,” said director Steven Spielberg, citing the actor’s noted absence from social media on account of living in the depths of the Atlantic Ocean. “But when he randomly reached out to me and said that he had a great idea for the 40th anniversary that he thought he could really sink his teeth into, well, how does a guy say no to a shark like Jaws?!”

Gathering on the island of Martha’s Vineyard in Massachusetts where the original film was shot in 1974, surviving cast mates Richard Dreyfuss (Marine biologist Matt Hooper) and Lorraine Gray (Sheriff Brody’s wife) were on hand to congratulate the 40 lucky fans who enjoyed a private meet and greet with the stars of the blockbuster before ultimately wadding out into the Atlantic coast in groups of five to be picked off one by one courtesy of the beloved great white himself.

“Everybody just loved it,” Gray spoke eloquently of her co-star’s work. “When Jaws got down to business and the waters started changing from blue to red, it was really something special to see – it was like being back in 1974 when the world was our oyster all over again!”

“You can tell from the way that he works,” told Dreyfuss with a small smile on his face, “that Jaws just really loves killing people. That’s not acting you’re seeing out there in the water when he’s terrorizing those people and chasing them one by one to their doom, and that’s why it worked so well in the original film … because it was authentic.”

After consuming the last of the 40 prize winners – dedicating his final two victims to the late Roy Scheider (Sheriff Brody) and Robert Shaw (Captain Quint) – to a thunderous applause from the remaining onlookers on the beach, the mighty predator gave one final wave of his pectoral fin before turning back to sea to return to his life of quiet retirement – a well-deserved life that all started with one pivotal role that nobody could’ve played better than the one, the only … Jaws.

The post Jaws Star Celebrates 40th Anniversary By Eating 40 Lucky Fans appeared first on Just Laugh.

Extra Credit:

The post As Shark Night on AMC continues… appeared first on Just Laugh.

Tonight AMC is playing a Jaws marathon and Hooper just did his time in the cage, so this seems appropriate to repost.

You go in the cage.

Cage goes in the water. You go in the water.

Shark is in the water. Our shark.

Extra Credit:

The post I’m a Great White and I’m Here to Help appeared first on Just Laugh.

The post Maybe sharks aren’t so bad after all… appeared first on Just Laugh.