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“People love Taylor Swift, and several of them out there haven’t bought her latest album yet,” explained Big Machine Records founder Scott Borchetta, “so to help give those consumers access to all of the Taylor that they want, we’ve reached this agreement that honestly is good for everybody who owns a radio.”

“Our goal,” Borchetta continued, “is simply that whenever someone gets into their car anywhere, they should be able to turn on the radio and find themselves a catchy Taylor Swift tune to rock out to on the way to Pilates or maybe Jamba Juice or whatever.”

“Listeners shouldn’t have to wait one, two, or even two songs and a commercial to hear the Taylor Swift hits that they’re really after. And now they won’t have to, just like if they had bought the album themselves, or downloaded them via iTunes, or kidnapped Taylor and held her captive in the backseat of their cars.”

The post Radio Conglomerates Agree to Play at Least One Taylor Swift Song On Air at All Times appeared first on Just Laugh.

http://www.ifc.com/shows/comedy-crib/blog/2015/02/vanessa-bayer-offers-weird-al-some-sound-advice

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“We’d just like to formally announce that the Academy has heard the words of Kanye West in particular very clear,” Academy Chair Christine Albert announced in a statement this morning. “And while it’s been our longstanding tradition to honor the best talent in the recording industry each year with our much anticipated festivities, we certainly don’t want any of our talented musicians to feel left out or not as good because they or one of their close friends wasn’t able to bring home one of our prized trophies for themselves on a given year.”

“That’s why starting in 2016,” Albert explained, “the Academy is proud to introduce a new category in our prestigious awards ceremony in which each and every member of the recording industry is already a winner, from the singers and songwriters themselves down to the composers, the marketing directors, and even those guys who stand on the corner in New York City handing out fliers – everyone!”

“Honestly, we just feel terrible that Mr. West feels so slighted for his friend Beyoncé not winning Album of the Year,” Albert told us candidly, “and because we all know that this certainly isn’t the first time that Mr. West has expressed his disappointment with our selection process, for the Academy this was a real sign that there was something that needed to be done differently. We want all of our promising musicians to enjoy the excitement that comes from walking up on that stage and collecting their very own Grammy, and starting next year, we’re proud to be able to do just that.”

“As a side note,” Albert added with a moderate sigh, “the Grammys will now be 47 hours long, thus offering even more opportunities for Mr. West to jump on stage and interrupt people throughout the show, so we’re still working on that. Nobody’s perfect…”

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The post This is beautiful – Tom Brady sure does love his balls. appeared first on Just Laugh.

Aren’t Flight of the Conchords just wonderful? I think I could listen to this song all day long. It kind of feels like I pretty much have today…

Let’s not forget a few of these other epic favorites, too!

• Jenny
• Bret, You’ve Got It Going On
• If You’re Into It
• Sello Tape
• Albie, the Racist Dragon

So what’s your favorite Flight of the Conchords song?!

The post “Two minutes in heaven are better than one minute in heaven.” appeared first on Just Laugh.

This little “experiment” by cdza ended up turning out pretty funny – what exactly would happen if you were to take one of America’s most beloved ’80s sitcom themes and spit it through Google Translator … over and over again?!

The post Fresh Prince Theme, Translated and Re-Translated… appeared first on Just Laugh.

See, kids – your parents are cooler than you think.

At least they think so, anyways…

The post The Parent Rap appeared first on Just Laugh.

If you are one of the blessed few who read that sentence and asked, “Who the hell is Mandy Moore,” I almost hate to destroy your blissful state of ignorance. I envy you. I used to be just like you and would do anything to regain the serenity of not knowing who Mandy Moore is. I just found out a few days ago who Mandy Moore is, and I’ve been royally ticked ever since. I chomped on my Lucky Charms so hard this morning, I almost bit my tongue in half.

I was hoping we had reached our limit on this whole adolescent pop diva thing. I knew about Britney and Christina. And there was some singing blonde chick named Jessica who married a guy from NSync or 98 Degrees who isn’t gay. (One of those guys is openly gay, right? I thought I read that somewhere.) Maybe they’re just dating. I know one of the Backstreet Boys got married because my teenage cousin, who lives in New Jersey, let out an anguished wail that shattered windows in the governor’s mansion here in Raleigh. That’s the thing: I’ve been blissfully unaware of most of the details on all these entertainers. I know they exist, but I’m just too busy to care.

But last weekend I needed a break, so I pulled myself away from the computer to watch South Park and Saturday Night Live. I was flipping channels between shows and came across Mad TV. Mandy Moore was the special guest. She walked out onto a stage in front of a small studio audience. She couldn’t have been more than sixteen. She was blonde and cute and wearing a little black dress. She giggled a lot.

She decided to take some questions from the audience. I wished I were in the audience so I could ask who she was and why she wasn’t home since it was obviously past her curfew. But a Mad TV cast member posing as an obsessed fan asked a bunch of goofy questions instead, and that led to some carefully-scripted spontaneous hilarity. He mentioned her first hit single, “Candy.” That’s when I knew she was a recording artist. But she didn’t sing anything. She just stood there and said her cute lines and swished her cute skirt. Then they cut to commercial.

The reason I wanted to throw rocks at the television was this: One of my freelance writing jobs involves working with independent musicians. I write reviews and interviews, trying to help them build press kits and promote themselves. True artists. People who work as bartenders just so they can play their music – music that they wrote themselves — in NYC dive bars until all hours of the night and then drag themselves home just in time to watch Mandy Moore get national exposure on Mad TV. I’m surprised more of them aren’t flinging themselves off their fire escapes.

They practice for hours every day. They play anywhere they can. They struggle with writer’s block, serious competition, and that idiot in the back of the bar who keeps flicking his lighter and shrieking, “Freeeeee Bird!!!! FREEEEEEE BIRRRRD.” They have grown to loathe “Free Bird.” They kind of liked it a long time ago, but now they would like to track down every radio deejay who still insists on playing it and strangle them with their guitar strings.

But Mandy Moore moves to Orlando and decides that the usual cheerleader and Jr. Miss circuits aren’t enough for her. She wants to be a recording artist. She doesn’t play any instruments or know how to write songs, but she’s seen Britney and Christina and Jessica and wants to get in on the action before all the heterosexual boy band members are taken. She gets coached and made up and hires a promoting team and other people to do the pesky stuff like write songs, and PRESTO! She’s a recording artist.

Okay, fine. That’s a great new approach to the career ladder. I wanna be a brain surgeon. They’re smart and get to wear cool white surgical coats and make lots of money. I think they have to go to school for a long time, but I wanna be a brain surgeon now.

I wanna get to poke around in people’s heads. I don’t know what all that stuff is in there, but I know you get to sew their heads back up when you’re done! I’m good at sewing! I sewed a button back on my dress a couple of weeks ago, and I learned how to cross-stitch in Girl Scout Camp. My patients will all look so pretty with little cross-stitches going all around their foreheads! I’ll use cool purple thread and body glitter, and when they wake up, they’ll think it looks so cool that they’ll forget all about the fact that I just sawed off their brain stems. Or whatever it is I’m supposed to be removing. I don’t think it even matters what part you take out because I saw a drawing of the brain when I accidentally looked at my textbook back in my high school biology class, and it just looks like this big white fluffy cauliflower thing. I think you can just chop of any part of it and it will be okay.

I’ve gotta hurry up and prepare for my new career. I need to build myself a web site with a bunch of photos I’ll get taken at Glamour Shots. I’ll also need to get myself a guest spot on some brainy medical show on The Discovery Channel. I’ll just giggle and wave my scalpel around and take staged questions from the audience.

Oh, that’s right – I’ll need a scalpel and some of those other surgery-type things. Maybe someone’s selling some of that stuff on eBay. Gotta go.

The post Hand Me a Scalpel – This Can’t Be That Difficult… appeared first on Just Laugh.