“We’ve learned a lot about our customers over the years,” explained Burger King Chief Marketing Officer Eric Hirschhorn, “and contrary to what you might believe, Burger King customers really don’t mind if we char our product to an unrecognizable, black tar before serving it to them with a side of onion rings.”

“This year we’ve just decided to take it to the next level and serve up every last one of our Whoppers in this repulsive, seasonal black vestments instead of only the 85% of burnt food that normally comes out of our kitchens across America.”

Eager to take advantage of Burger King’s unquestionable consumer insight, Wendy’s is already rumored to be ramping up its own limited time offerings to include a Frosty spray-painted black and a baked potato covered in cat hair.

The post Burger King to Burn the Shit Out of Its Whopper Buns for a Limited Time Only appeared first on Just Laugh.

Not any pre-diabetic, red-blooded American that I know of, that’s for sure! Eating a cheeseburger is man’s way of appreciating cows for both their meat and the milk that they create before we ultimately kill them for their meat, and if you just so happen to have an equal hatred for assorted vegetables, too, then you really can’t go wrong with this tasty treat that’s totally going to clog your arteries and kill you one day!

But today is not that day (probably), my friends, so join us in celebrating what could possibly be the best holiday since National Chocolate Malt Day with these fine tips for making the most of this dangerously exciting American phenomenon…

• Remember that eating a cheeseburger the size of a small house cat is perfectly acceptable as long as you order it with a Diet Coke.
• Nobody really likes lettuce and tomatoes, but you look like even more of a fat ass if you ask for extra bacon in place of them.
• And what’s the deal with sesame seeds??? Some buns have ’em, some don’t – it’s madness!
• Plan for the future – consider setting aside a few dollars when you buy each hamburger for your doctor’s co-pay that is pretty much inevitable.
• For a personal touch, ask your waitress for the name of the cow that gave its life for the 15 minutes of happiness you’re about to enjoy.
• Whenever your ketchup is in a glass bottle, it’s customary to slide it across the table like a total badass just like The Fonz would’ve done.
• Believe it or not, it’s common in other parts of the world to not eat dead cows slathered in ketchup and secret sauce, so be glad that you live in America where we don’t care about that kind of shit.
• At least you’re not eating a breakfast sandwich featuring syrup-injected pancakes for the bun – now that would be taking it too far…

The post Just Laugh’s Guide to National Cheeseburger Day appeared first on Just Laugh.

“We spent, like, two hours developing this menu of pizzas that maybe somebody could order for breakfast,” announced CEO David Gibbs to an audience that was almost entirely still asleep. “Given this new surge of, err, people eating things before lunchtime, it seemed only fitting that America’s Favorite Pizza Chain step forward to give the people even more of the delicious pizza that they enjoy all day long.”

Though citing that the entire thing could be changed or even scraped altogether at pretty much any time, Pizza Hut’s tentative, new breakfast line-up is said to include:

• a cheese pizza with an egg on top (pictured above)
• a pizza featuring pancake syrup in place of sauce
• those Cinnamon Sticks they offer for dessert, but renamed to Breakfast Cinnamon Sticks or something
• whatever cold, leftover pizza they have lying around from the night before

The post Pizza Hut Announces Plans to Lazily Enter Breakfast Market appeared first on Just Laugh.

Though the near future may be all too exciting with its offers of egg sandwiches at two o’clock in the afternoon, let it be known that the next servings on the plastic tray from hell may not be nearly as delicious as the last…

1. McDonald’s starts serving breakfast all day long. People love it, except for the Hotcakes … because nobody under the age of 65 eats McDonald’s pancakes.
2. McGriddles become mandatory, regardless of whether you’re ordering them or not.
3. Premium Salads and Yogurt Parfaits are removed from the menu after a McDonald’s executive realizes that they weren’t just an April Fool’s prank after all.
4. McDonald’s slowly begins increasing the salt content of their french fries until they eventually consist of more salt than potato.
5. Happy Meals are strictly enforced, though everyone agrees that the toys aren’t nearly as sweet as they were in the ’80s.
6. The McRib becomes a permanent menu item, and even though it’s absolutely disgusting, the sandwich sells billions.
7. McDonald’s begins the discrete integration of international cuisine from its other locations around the world, including the McCeviche, the McFalafel, and the toe-curling McEscargot.
8. Real life Hamburglars attempt to lead a nationwide heist against the McGiant, though they’re quickly dispatched by a battalion of Grimaces – whatever the fuck that guy is supposed to be.
9. Ronald McDonald overtakes American currency with his face appearing on the $1 bill, and the $5 bill, and the all-new McTwenty.
10. McNames for McEverything and you’ll love every McMinute of it.
11. Insider sources confirm the long-sought out rumor that Big Mac Sauce is really just Thousand Island Dressing, but by now it’s too late to do anything about it…
12. Chicken McNuggets are people.

The post 12 Signs of the McPocalypse appeared first on Just Laugh.

Expressing strong concerns both about upsetting the multi-million dollar fast food lobby as well as disrupting several of the candidates’ lunch plans, Republican frontrunners are already preparing an aggressive counter campaign that includes reclassifying hamburgers as vegetables and somehow accusing her of probably being born in Kenya.

The post Woman Punching Hamburger Announces Run for Republican Presidential Nomination appeared first on Just Laugh.

As cities all around the nation eagerly celebrate French Fry Friday with platefuls of America’s favorite way to consume potatoes, it seemed only fitting to share with you a few fun french fry facts for you to ponder with your fellow fry guys while you wallow in the crisp deliciousness that today holds oh so dear…

• Right off the bat, let’s all just agree that McDonald’s french fries are pretty much the best french fries you can put in your mouth. Come to think of it, from McDonald’s they’re pretty much the only thing you actually want to put in your mouth…
• Just because french fries are the same diameter as your nose does not mean that they belong there.
• In 1802, founding father Thomas Jefferson had french fries served at a White House dinner and you can be damn sure that he never put any of them up his presidential nose!
• There are many different kinds of french fries – straight, curly, bi-curious, waffle, and freedom, just to name a few. Freedom Fries will claim to be the best – usually without even being asked, but sometimes they’re not.
• People in the United Kingdom call their fries “chips” … which is kind of weird, isn’t it?
• Americans on average eat 29 pounds of french fries each year. Not all at once, mind you – most space them out over several meals.
• If you were to lay a year’s worth of french fries end on end all the way around the world, a lot of them would probably get really soggy and it would be a tremendous waste of french fries.
• There’s a long-running dispute that Belgians, not the French, actually invented french fries. They even have an entire museum dedicated to french fries. Those Belgians are a wacky bunch, aren’t they?!

So go out and fully embrace French Fry Friday by enjoying a large plate of fries for every meal! As long as you don’t do it the other 364 days of the year, it probably won’t give you diabetes…

The post Just Laugh’s Guide to French Fry Friday appeared first on Just Laugh.

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I don’t know how some of these people didn’t notice the camera, but this prank is pretty awesome!!!

(be sure to check out Rahat’s YouTube channel for lots of other great pranks, too!)

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