With the fast food behemoth making its final preparations to bestow its beloved breakfast menu upon a sea of manic McMuffin fans after decades of pleading, it seems all but certain to McDonald’s theologians that this latest development in the billion dollar company’s business plan can only signal the end of times as foretold by the prophets of single and McDouble proportions alike.
Though the near future may be all too exciting with its offers of egg sandwiches at two o’clock in the afternoon, let it be known that the next servings on the plastic tray from hell may not be nearly as delicious as the last…
- McDonald’s starts serving breakfast all day long. People love it, except for the Hotcakes … because nobody under the age of 65 eats McDonald’s pancakes.
- McGriddles become mandatory, regardless of whether you’re ordering them or not.
- Premium Salads and Yogurt Parfaits are removed from the menu after a McDonald’s executive realizes that they weren’t just an April Fool’s prank after all.
- McDonald’s slowly begins increasing the salt content of their french fries until they eventually consist of more salt than potato.
- Happy Meals are strictly enforced, though everyone agrees that the toys aren’t nearly as sweet as they were in the ’80s.
- The McRib becomes a permanent menu item, and even though it’s absolutely disgusting, the sandwich sells billions.
- McDonald’s begins the discrete integration of international cuisine from its other locations around the world, including the McCeviche, the McFalafel, and the toe-curling McEscargot.
- Real life Hamburglars attempt to lead a nationwide heist against the McGiant, though they’re quickly dispatched by a battalion of Grimaces – whatever the fuck that guy is supposed to be.
- Ronald McDonald overtakes American currency with his face appearing on the $1 bill, and the $5 bill, and the all-new McTwenty.
- McNames for McEverything and you’ll love every McMinute of it.
- Insider sources confirm the long-sought out rumor that Big Mac Sauce is really just Thousand Island Dressing, but by now it’s too late to do anything about it…
- Chicken McNuggets are people.