Baltimore Ready to Heal Until Police Are Acquitted of All Charges

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BALTIMORE (Just Laugh) – After a nation watched last week while racial tensions in Baltimore rioted to violent, new highs in response to the unaccountable death of a black man under police custody, Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake was relieved today to lift the imposed curfew as a positive sign that the city’s problems were definitely showing improvement until such time that the officers charged are completely acquitted of all wrongdoing and the flames of racial injustice are fanned ablaze once more.

“It’s been a difficult week for the City of Baltimore,” Mayor Rawlings-Blake spoke Sunday morning to a small gathering of pitchfork-wielding taxpayers, “but it’s time for our healing to begin because we’ve got a lot to do before the officers responsible for our latest racial divide are exonerated of any legal or professional repercussions for their heinous actions and we all know that once those judgments are rendered, the rioting observed last week will have felt like a walk in the park.”

The mayor encouraged citizens to return to their daily lives and rebuild … as fast as they could … with the understanding that their newfound friends from the National Guard would likely be returning very soon once police are let off the hook for yet another black death as everyone has grown accustomed to across these occasionally United, But Definitely Not At All Racist States.