OKLAHOMA CITY (Just Laugh) – If one Oklahoma lawmaker has his way, people unable to make a decent meatloaf will not just be getting married in his state.
State Senator Anthony Sykes (R) loves many things in life – he loves his state, he loves his wife, and he also loves himself a good, old-fashioned meatloaf after a long day of making bills and whatever else it is that state senators do. But unfortunately for Sykes, those things don’t all go together – not in his own personal life, anyways, and in 2015 he’s made it his mission to ensure that no other Oklahoman finds himself in the same otherwise loving marriage with a woman who just can’t for the life of her make a decent meatloaf for her hard-working husband.
“There are certain things that a man should know about his bride before they tie the knot,” the senator explained. “She should be good with kids, she should know how to do their laundry on the rocks down by the river just in case the washer and dryer goes out, and most important of all, a good wife is one who knows how to make a decent meatloaf – you know, the kind with ketchup on the top that just sort of melts in your mouth after an honest day’s work?”
“That’s a taste that every Oklahoma man should get to cherish in his marital bonds.”
Senate Bill 57, as proposed by Senator Sykes, would require the woman to prepare a decent meatloaf for her man within 30 days of applying for a marriage license. The license would only be granted if “in the opinion of the man, the meatloaf is of sufficient quality so as to be a decent meal that he would be satisfied with eating as many as four nights out of any calendar month, in addition to the occasional leftovers.”
“Now if a man doesn’t like meatloaf, for example,” Sykes told us, “then it only makes sense that he would pair up with a like-minded woman who herself isn’t capable of making a decent meatloaf, therefore leaving more of the good meatloaf-making wives for men not unlike myself.”
When asked about his own marriage and the clearly defined lack of meatloaf in it, Sykes replied candidly, “I love my dear Holley with all of my heart, and there’s nothing that could ever come between us after together we swore a vow in the eyes of the Lord. I’d just like for other men to have it a little better than I did so that they really know what they’re getting themselves into when they sign on that dotted line – until death do us part, whether she’s able to make a decent meatloaf or not.”
“…because a man needs to know these things before he commits himself to one woman who maybe is perfect in every other way except that she can’t make a decent meatloaf…”
“God, I miss meatloaf…”