Humor Blog Highlights

Pluto Pestered by Planetary Paparazzi

© Elenarts / Dollar Photo Club

SPACE (Just Laugh) – Adding insult to injury after nine years ago when it abruptly found itself demoted from being the last of the nine planets by a committee cowardly passing judgment on Earth some 4.67 billion miles away, the newly designated dwarf planet Pluto found itself the subject of ruthless paparazzi yesterday as NASA’s New Horizons probe took the opportunity to gawk at the discarded celestial body from close-up.

“Yeah, what’s that?! I look pretty cool now – maybe y’all should’ve thought about actually sending somebody by to have a chat before you vultures took my title without so much as a phone call…” the former planet jeered as the first images retrieved by the spacecraft were beamed back to Earth and instantly became the subject of great excitement by publications such as the New York Times, CNN, TIME Magazine, and the BBC.

“Just smile and show me your craters – you don’t have to be a dick about it,” New Horizons reportedly told Pluto before snapping hundreds of high resolution pictures of the planetoid from every angle, snickering and making suggestive comments about its global geology and chemical compositions before sending the prize photos back to its bosses on Earth at an alleged cost of nearly $700 million.

“It’s all just part of being a planet, err, former planet,” veteran probe Viking 1 defended the actions of New Horizons, having been tasked with capturing similar close-up photos of Mars 40 years ago. “This is space we’re talking about – there’s no expectation of privacy out there!”

Though precedent by NASA’s numerous probes throughout the solar system suggests that such photography will continue to be not only tolerated, but actively encouraged by the planetary elite who profit grandly from the unwelcome intrusions, this latest incident no doubt drudges up sour grapes from the International Astronomical Union’s decision nearly a decade prior to remind us that such reclassifications can have a lasting effect on even the most distant of planetoids, long after the rest of us have moved on to new expeditions and more exciting prospects of the potential for life a mere 140 million miles away.

About Scott Sevener (580 Posts since 2001)
The Co-Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Just Laugh, Scott writes about the random things in life that amuse him - from the miracle of childbirth to the bologna sandwich he just ate for breakfast. He currently resides in Tampa, FL with a girl, a baby, and a dog that never shuts the hell up.