Retailers to Begin Offering Black Friday Sales Online, Cites Outdated Local News Reporter

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SEATTLE (Just Laugh) – Despite the Information Superhighway now playing an active roll in our lives quite literally for decades with annual e-commerce transactions exceeding $300 billion in 2014, local reporter Hannah Sebastine for KCLU news seemed both shocked and excited to report that many Black Friday deals in 2015 will amazingly be available “online” to save consumers the hassle of waiting in line for hours outside of their favorite retail stores.

“It’s a new thing called ‘online shopping’,” cited the perky, 24-year old’s report that was actually published by a real media outlet, “and many people will be giving thanks to it this year for saving them more time that they can spend with their families on what has traditionally been the busiest shopping weekend of the year.”

Completely inept to the fact that online sales have been chipping away at the significance of Black Friday for years, Sebastine comically explained to actual viewers of the local TV station that instead of standing in lines, shoppers might this year do the bulk of their holiday shopping “in their pajamas” as she demonstrated purchasing a copy of The Devil Wears Prada from Amazon.com that she looks forward to receiving in plenty of time to give as a gift for her older sister, Heidi.

“And there – with just a few simple clicks,” the inexplicably proud journalist said as she smiled cluelessly into the camera, “my Christmas list is one present closer to completion, and I didn’t even have to set foot outside!”

After talking over footage of light traffic that she had captured with the help of cameraman Scott Cloud at the Westfield Southcenter earlier that afternoon, Sebastine unabashedly closed her report with a clever shot from her own bedroom where pink bunny slippers peeked out from beneath the sheets while she happily reiterated her line earlier about doing her own shopping from the comforts of her bedroom as if the first mainstream e-commerce transactions hadn’t happened when she was barely two years old.