Humor Blog Highlights

America Under Construction

Well, I finally made it home! My head is spinning, my eyes are blurry and I’ve got cramps throughout my entire body, but rather than go to bed like I really should, there’s a little something I need to get off my chest…

I just returned from a short vacation in sunny south Florida, which most of you can understand is just about the complete opposite of my home up in Northern Michigan. When I pulled out of my driveway last Friday afternoon, it was maybe forty degrees out in the sun…a day later the temperature was nearly double that,at eleven o’clock at night!!! Why I even came back is still a mystery to me, but I suppose the more important question would be ‘How did I make it back???’

For those in the audience that might be a bit slower than the rest of us, I’ll spell it out for you: I drove the entire length of the country – from Michigan to Florida – in my very own car. It only takes a quick look at any U.S. map to realize that these states are several inches apart, so saying that it was a pretty long road trip would be the understatement of the century! The exact mileage from Gaylord to Tampa is just short of 1500 miles, which typically translates to approximately twenty hours of driving time. Although I’m not saying that this is how long it should legally take for the trip, most of us understand the entire concept of keeping up with the flow of traffic and Sammy was right – sometimes 55 mph just doesn’t cut it! Besides, let’s also remember that I’m from Michigan, the home of Detroit – The Motor City, so it’s all good…

Under normal conditions, I would’ve been on the beach to enjoy the sunset the following evening, but that certainly wasn’t the case! Now I understand that our national freeway system requires constant attention to keep it operating at optimum levels, but I never knew that it would come down to this. It seems that somebody at the Department of Transportation had made the uncanny decision to place every single orange barrel available along I-75 to enhance my traveling experience…lucky me! In fact, I’m convinced that the DOT actually requisitioned barrels from various contractors around the nation specifically for this purpose because at this point, that’s the only explanation that makes any sense at all for the amounts of road construction that I encountered.

Don’t get me wrong – I’ve experienced more than my fair share of road construction already – I live in Michigan (official motto: Traffic fines are doubled in work zones). There’s so much work being done on our roads as it is that our children are beginning to believe that our state tree is the orange barrel (and I wish I could remember the name of the comedian who deserves credit for that one!). Of course, when you become as accustomed to these fluorescent obstructions as we have, one would think that we’d be used to our speeds dropping thirty or so mph under the speed limit frequently during our travels, but when you’re driving over a thousand miles, every second counts!

I sat in Tennessee for nearly an hour because they were polishing the reflectors on a bridge or something – not exactly a reasonable excuse to stop traffic on the biggest North-South artery in the country, if you ask me! I understand that this work needs to be done, but for God sakes, if you’re going to slow traffic down to a crawl, at least be doing some actual work when I drive by!!! Nothing rubs me the wrong way more than driving by a construction site at two miles per hour and looking up to see eighteen guys in orange vests, all getting paid out of my tax dollars, sitting around drinking coffee and laughing at the drivers having to go so slow. You’re getting paid $25 an hour – most people could only dream of those kinds of wages – so the least you can do is look busy!

The road construction business reminds me a lot of any local fast food restaurant, with the exception that the construction workers are making a hell of a lot more money. By this I mean that they really couldn’t care less about the services that they’re providing; they’re just there to collect a paycheck, which is a load of crap as far as I’m concerned. When was the last time you went out to get a burger and the cashier was actually courteous back to you? That’s what I thought…people have no sense of pride for their work anymore. I know that seasoning curly fries might not be the most prestigious job in the world, but for the time being, it’syours, so do it right! No, some of us won’t notice, but I’ll tell you that I certainly don’t want to reach into my fries to find your used chewing gum because you hate your job, just as I don’t want to be driving down the highway dodging construction cones and barrels because the workers weren’t courteous enough to keep them in the lane in which the construction is being done…

Yeah, it sucks to work in the rain and snow, moving thousands of pounds of concrete and steel each and every day, but that’s why you’re making the big bucks, remember? If you’re really looking for a break from the grind, I’m sure your favorite fast food joint could always use another burger flipper and from what I hear, those burgers weigh next to nothing! Or if you’re willing to take an even bigger pay cut, just become a humor columnist, where the only things we have to worry about are paper cuts and nasty letters from our readers.

I’m already planning my next road trip so that I can get through the latest batch inspired by this one…

About Scott Sevener (580 Posts since 2001)
The Co-Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Just Laugh, Scott writes about the random things in life that amuse him - from the miracle of childbirth to the bologna sandwich he just ate for breakfast. He currently resides in Tampa, FL with a girl, a baby, and a dog that never shuts the hell up.