Humor Blog Highlights

Six Foods That Won’t Be the Same Without Trans Fats

© Jonathan Vasata / Dollar Photo Club

First they came for our trans fats, and we said nothing.

Then they came for our Twizzlers and Gummy Bears…

It’s true – this week the FDA officially cited our beloved trans fats as “not generally recognized as safe for use in human food” – whatever that means, and thus we Americans now only have a wee three years to properly say goodbye to these delicious but no longer nutritious food properties that have made so many of our favorite dishes basically like eating a meal with death incarnate.

Today we reminisce with this collection of foods that look quite yummy, indeed, but they just won’t be the same without trans fats…

20150618_fatbacon_82943959© MSPhotographic / Dollar Photo Club

Everybody loves the smell of bacon cooking in the morning – can you even imagine how decadent that shit would be if it were laced with some 100% bonafide trans fats?!

20150618_fatpizza_56126409© ft2010 / Dollar Photo Club

I love me some pizza! Nothing makes for a great Friday night like a 2 liter of Dr. Pepper and a large pizza with pepperoni, extra cheese, and an extra-extra helping of trans fats … but not anymore…

20150618_fatpinch_54790257© Lsantilli / Dollar Photo Club

You’ve met this chick before – she claims that she’s “soooo fat!” yet she can pinch all of the fat in her entire body between two fingers! Let’s switch out her toothpaste with some trans fats for a few months and teach her what being fat really looks like…

20150618_fatmelon_84737942© pilipphoto / Dollar Photo Club

Nothing says summer like a nice slice of watermelon, but without those juicy trans fats that watermelon is known for, what’s the point?!

20150618_fatburger_37101623© ilolab / Dollar Photo Club

I never really did understand people who eat their hamburgers with an egg on top. Trans fats or not, pick a meal and own it!

20150618_fatdonuts_79897125© hetwig / Dollar Photo Club

I’m honestly not sure what’ll even be left of donuts once they pull out all of the trans fats. Maybe that’s how they make bagels … that would kind of make sense.

 

Editor’s Note: The author of this article may or may not know what trans fats actually are and as such, the information you just read should not be construed as nutritional insight of any kind. We’re probably better off without trans fats anyways, and sunshine, and rainbows, and general fun of any sort…

About Scott Sevener (580 Posts since 2001)
The Co-Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Just Laugh, Scott writes about the random things in life that amuse him - from the miracle of childbirth to the bologna sandwich he just ate for breakfast. He currently resides in Tampa, FL with a girl, a baby, and a dog that never shuts the hell up.