Humor Blog Highlights

Divorce – American Style

There is a particular process some women have endured, which brings out the worst frazzled state of being she can encounter and cuts into the very fiber of her existence at the time of its occurrence.

Divorce.

With the combination of having a couple of friends and acquaintances going through this life changing experience as we speak, I am going to take you on a journey of the emotions and functions a typical woman goes through during divorce. I am not a spiritual guru. What you are about to read is the truth. Let’s rip the veil!

Let’s begin with the idea of the divorce being a process a woman agrees to. Now, the first act will be that she is in control. As you can see, she is already fooling herself because at this starting point of discussing separation everything is out of control or, at least, a huge upheaval is occurring.

However, she believes she is healthier ten minutes after the decision has been made than she has ever been in her life.

This momentary feeling of well-being is followed by a revolt against her husband because it is, after all, his fault.

Every friend she has will now know his every fault. There will be men bashes held by covens of women in her honor. His every sin will be revealed and she will triumph in her moment, and keep in mind it only lasts for a small moment, of righteous glory. She is moving forward (backwards, sideways – she really cannot distinguish the difference at this point) to a brighter future as she mentally takes a step up on the ladder to independent heaven.

After the separation occurs and she is either residing alone in the home she shared with her husband or is settled into a new place, things begin to shift a bit. Her friends do not seem to want to join in the much-needed male-bashing vents like they did in the beginning and they are starting to come up with lame excuses to avoid speaking with her because she is only interested in talking about the one subject that is now exhausting her cohorts: Her now ex-husband.

Suddenly no one is there to point a finger at. There is no one left to cheer on her indignation. Oh no! Oh my! Her anger is now on a downslide to…despair.

Despair. What a joyful experience! Despair is such a rude little curve in the road, which triggers her to contemplate what she did that might have contributed to the demise of her marriage.

Perhaps keeping a wall up for self-preservation wasn’t the best way to come together with her husband in their marriage. Perhaps keeping herself at a safe distance provoked a hidden understanding on his part, which gave way to fighting and division because he couldn’t get close to her.

Self-discovery. Isn’t life grand?

Self-discovery, at times, provokes a lot of crying and humble unwinding. During this period when she meets friends for coffee, she is either soberly silent or will put on the happy mask, which everyone can see right through. However, her friends are just glad she is not on a rant anymore so they won’t make mention of it.

Now, these people truly are her friends but they are being careful not to set off a tornado effect in her by saying the wrong thing. However, her best friend will sit her down and tell her that she is a tornado waiting to happen and tell her to pull herself together. Everyone is on her side. She’s the only one trying to figure out what side of herself she is on.

More time passes as her life begins to come together. Her judgment has resolved where both of them went wrong in their marriage. She is now armed with the wisdom of what she should and should not do in a relationship.

Her work is going well and she has even bought new decorative items for her home that suits her personality. She is actually able to listen to music again and enjoy it. She has lost twenty pounds, for obvious reasons, and purchases an outfit, which makes her look stunning. The sun has finally moved the clouds and her world is beginning to shine again until

One day as she is walking out of a store she sees her ex drive by in a red convertible with a much younger woman riding in the passenger seat.

That controlling, perverted, freak responsible for all of the disturbances in her otherwise perfectly balanced universe!

Now, let’s begin again…

About Kim Burke (19 Posts from 2001 - 2003)
Possibly the funnest thing to come out of Arkansas (not counting the whole Clinton-thing), Kim Burke's Incidents & Accidents help us to make light of the toils life throws our way, because life's too short for ordinary idiots.