Plane Country
I used to think that “aardvark” was the best word beginning with two letter a’s. But then the word “airplane” came into the picture. And now I can state that “aardvark” is still my favorite word beginning with two a’s, something which will remain a truth until all aardvarks die…
This is not to say that I don’t like airplanes. Without them, we would have to resort to automobiles, trains and tortoises to travel across the country, the latter of which is the most exciting and efficient. Airplanes also bring us airports, which are an important aspect of living because of their overpriced food and merchandise. It’s not that airports are trying to rip people off; it’s just that they want people to feel like they are getting higher quality stuff since they are paying higher prices. My goal is to follow this trend by starting a line of vending machines where people can only purchase what’s in empty slots. It might seem like a waste of 50 cents, but it’s better than dropping that money on the ground and having to take the time to look for it…
Last night I arrived home from a long flight which began on the west coast. It was a five-hour journey, so I expected to sleep on this flight. But much like my expectations that Mr. Belvedere will make it into the Hall of Fame before Bob Eueker, this hope fell short. As usual, I was seated behind the one person on the flight who found the need to recline his seat all the way back (the fact that my leg was there meant little to him; unfortunately, I didn’t have the option of putting it somewhere else). Then, each time I began to get a few seconds of sleep, all I could hear was country music. I couldn’t figure it out. It wasn’t coming from the headset of the person next to me because his headset wasn’t on. It wasn’t coming from behind or in front of me, because they didn’t seem like people who would listen to country music (in other words, they weren’t southern, crazy or from Minnesota). A few hours later, it turned out that it was coming from the pilot’s area, which — for whatever reason — was lowly projecting the music into the entire airplane. Hopefully this was an accident. Otherwise we have more to worry about on airplanes these days than just limited leg room, limited food, and limited window seats (or maybe the qualm is limited windows)…
My other problem with flights is the beverage cart. Once the beverage system (or food system, but I would rather simplify here) is in progress, it is nearly impossible to walk from one side of the aisle to the other without hurdling the cart. Since hurdling is not allowed, that means the status of nearly impossible is upgraded to impossible. The irony: the reason for needing to pass the cart is to get to the bathroom, and the reason for needing the bathroom is because of what was consumed from the cart. In other words, we need a new system of serving food and beverages to individuals on flights, and what better system than having restaurants set up in the sky to take our orders. This is far from a plain idea, but it is a plane one, meaning that it must be both plausible and worthwhile. I believe the same was said about that new “Bonzai” show on FOX. So I could be wrong as well…
But I digress.
