WANTED: Guy Who Owns an Amusement Park

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Offering an exclusive opportunity for one lucky amusement park-owning individual to move in next door to me, therefore granting neighborly access to his selection of roller coasters, carnival rides, and other assorted games of skill and chance at no cost to me.

Only operators of metal coasters need apply – none of those crazy, wooden ones that rattle your bones uncomfortable for the entire ride. I don’t like those.

Ferris wheels are not required, but a plus.

Owner should be a good-natured, charismatic fellow, and always smell of either roasted almonds or cotton candy when we meet either at our mailboxes or when he waves to me riding the Tilt-o-Whirl from the wooden swing on his back porch.

Ideal park hours would be 9:00am – 9:00pm during school hours, allotting for later evenings in the summertime and daily nighttime fireworks spectacular which he’ll occasionally let me launch. That would be sweet.

Applicants are welcome to apply by leaving a brochure in my mailbox with complimentary admission to come check out their amusement park at my own leisure. I look forward to hearing from a wide variety of applicants in time to thoroughly review over the upcoming summer vacation!