Humor Blog Highlights

Just Laugh Humor Blog » Words & Essays

Who Goes Out and Buys a Gorilla the Day After a Gorilla Massacre?!

You see, it’s not just guns, people – we’ve got bigger problems on our hands … giant 600-lb, banana-eating hairy ones, at that!

 “Listen, it’s my God-given right as an American to have the freedom to own a gorilla to protect myself and my family,” said Nashua, NH resident James Harrington, 46, adding that he personally owns 12 different gorillas of various sizes, but keeps them “safely locked away in [his] home.” “And the government has another thing coming if they think they can come into my house and take away my gorillas.”

Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack

(via The Onion)

The Happiest Place on … Whatever

Are you a fan of theme parks?!

Well, not one of those crazy types of fans who thinks that everything is magical within their walls, but at least one who can take a good joke at their favorite park’s expense every now and then?

If so, then you definitely need to follow @FakeThemePark on Twitter…

Attractions Magazine also has a great interview with the CEO of this exclusive entertainment destination which is definitely worth a read, too!

A.I.G. a Bunch of Souless Bloodsuckers? Well, Duh…

So did you hear the news earlier today about how A.I.G. is considering suing the U.S. government after receiving $182 billion in bailout money a couple of years ago for nearly causing the collapse of the US economy at large???

It wasn’t something that even The Onion could’ve made up, but I enjoyed the even more bitter twist that humorist Andy Borowitz put on it in his latest column nonetheless…

“Let’s say that you’re trapped in a burning building and a fireman pulls you out to safety. Once you’re out of the fire, though, you notice that the fireman carelessly ripped the lapel of your Armani jacket. Shouldn’t you be able to sue the fireman for the full cost of its replacement?”

 – A Letter From A.I.G. (by Andy Borowitz)

(via The New Yorker)

Not a massage for the squeamish, or pregnant-ish…

I don’t even know how to introduce this one, except that it’s really gross … and yet also one of those epic train wrecks that you just can’t seem to look away from.

Also, this train happens to be made out of semen, so I guess you could say that it’s not exactly for the squeamish or those under the age of about 35!

Maybe I’ll just leave you with an excerpt. Yeah – that should be nice and safe…

How I Might Have Just Become the Newest Urban Legend
http://pamie.com/2012/11/how-i-might-have-just-become-the-newest-urban-legend/

Even though it’s very difficult to climb up on a massage table when you’re eight months pregnant, but I manage to sort of shuffle-scoot between the sheet and the heavy blanket and as I scoot I realize, I’m wet.

I’m wet but also, it’s like I found a spot I didn’t dry off somehow after I took my shower. But I know that’s not possible, because I showered more than fifteen minutes ago. But it’s dark in there, and I’m already on my side, so I kind of rub at where I’m wet, which is all around this part here of my hips and butt and I’m like, “This is kind of like a gel, maybe I got into some lotion or… but I don’t know. I can’t feel my fingers, so I’m not sure what I’m touching here. So maybe I’ll just smell it.

And it smells like semen.

And that is because it is semen.

Just trust me and read the story! It solicited an actual LOL from me at one point, so I promise that the eight pages of poor Pam’s misery will totally be worth it… 😉

A Day in the Life of President Obama as Seen by Fox News

Spot on! Makes you wonder if Mr. Freed had consulting from Fox – you know, just to make sure that his twists were absolutely as obsurd as the public has grown to expect from the news pantheon that is Fox News… :mrgreen:

A Day in the Life of President Obama as Seen by Fox News
http://www.humortimes.com/7315/day-in-life-of-obama-seen-by-fox-news/

(first event as seen by a normal person; second in CAPS as viewed by a Fox News analyst…)

12.20 – President has headache, takes aspirin from expired bottle.

12:20 – OBAMA ABUSES HEALTH CARE!

12:50 – Obama turns left down a hallway.

12:50 – OBAMA MOVING FURTHER TO THE LEFT!

(via Humor Times)

1 2