Internet Hoaxes for Gullible Folkses

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Whether it’s sharing a post on Facebook or forwarding a suspicious e-mail just in case, if there’s one thing the Internet has taught us, it’s that people are generally pretty stupid.

I do not give Facebook or any entities associated with Facebook permission to use my pictures, information, or posts, both past and future.

Bill Gates will give me $5,000 for forwarding this e-mail.

Soon cell phone numbers will be released for telemarketing unless all individuals register with the National Do Not Call List.

The truth is, 99.7% of the stupid things you read on the Internet aren’t even close to being true, but just in case you’re one of those idiots who still just isn’t quite sure, here’s a list of some other arguably believable hoaxes that in all reality are absolutely fucking false as well…

• Unless you recite the preamble to the constitution each morning in the shower, one illegal immigrant will be given a green card – no questions asked.
• A Chinese restaurant in New York City has a popular program where residents can earn a free pint of General Tso’s Chicken for each stray cat that they collect off the streets.
• Bill Gates actually uses Gmail instead of Hotmail, and has offered one lucky winner $1,000,000 if they can guess his e-mail address. Google’s mail servers are spammed with hundreds of thousands of messages a day of incorrect guesses.
• President Obama spends one weekend each month collecting guns from citizens of small, midwestern towns, however if you give him the secret handshake when you answer the door, he’ll give you one of his guns instead.
• Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg earns $1 every time that anything is posted on Facebook, however he drops ten cents into the Like jar on his desk for every time that a user clicks that little thumbs up.
• Prayers are diligently requested for billionaire Paul Allen, who currently worries nightly that his latest yacht – a 584-foot behemoth called The Titan – may not be completed in time for the 2016 Mediterranean sailing season.
• Chili peppers of different varieties actually have conflicting food personalities, and if you eat several all at the same time, your mouth will actually taste cool and refreshing instead of hot and spicy as the peppers compete with each other for dominance.
• Despite what manufacturers will tell you, modern smart phones have a unique gender that they are built with at the factory. The gender of your phone will determine things such as battery life, data retention, and level of disgust when you use it to look at porn in the restroom at work.